Fighting Mindfulness

Our breath is vital to life. Without it, we die. I constantly push aside the feeling of refreshment a breath so steadily gives me. In an attempt to appreciate the sensation, I focus on it. Taking gulps of air, forcing my attention on enjoying the feeling. Then, the refreshment dies. I start to forget how to breathe, and now it feels like each inhale is a forced motion. Something so simple and natural is now a chore. I always thought I was in charge of my mind, but have recently discovered it might be the other way around. A common phrase used in the mindfulness world: Control your breath; I believe this misleading. Mindfulness isn't about control--it is about realization and awareness. The concept of realization is unique to each individual. The way to get there is by being observant, not manipulative. I have come to this conclusion through a lot of uncomfortable meditations, panting like a dog, trying to dominate my breath and mind. That is until I understood I can focus on my breath without bullying it. Removing myself and my pride in my strength allows nature to take over, letting me notice what our anatomy does best: keeps us alive. If I let my body work how it is supposed to and let my mind steer it, there is unity. And with unity follows tranquility, and with tranquility comes comfort. The perfect state to observe. A domino effect. I still have not figured it out, and I don't think I ever will. Each meditation brings a new perspective, much different from the last. Even if I seem to be doing the exact same thing as before, there will always be something new. It is impossible to be an expert at mindfulness. As good as I think I am today, my mind always finds a way to humble itself tomorrow. There is no end to mindfulness practice. Just progression. Some days progression means set backs, failures, or confusion. Other days may be filled with new understandings, confidence, or hope. We have no control over what life gives us. Every second, we are taught something about our experience as a human. Although we miss most of these lessons, any one we catch is important and vital in constructing ourselves as individuals. The more we embrace our unique individuality, the more fulfillment we derive from the ups and downs of our lives. Although life is uncontrollable, and no one is planning out a perfect one, it is manageable. We take what we are given and live a perfectly unique story of our own with happiness, pain, gain and loss. The same battles we fight internally, we also fight externally. Thus, being patient and mindful can help us reach comfort, not only in ourselves, but in the world surrounding us too.

Mac Miller's Tiny Desk Concert

This post is in collaboration with Becoming Jackson Whole (BecomingJacksonWhole.org) - and will be posted on their website as well. Be sure to check their website and work for it has benefited me and my life to an extreme.