DailyThought #59 - Ego & Belief
Ego
I have struggled a lot with the acceptance of being bad. To learn, means to be bad for a period of time, while growth grows. Having my ego smothered and killed, and having humbleness take over is one of the hardest things, I think, a human can do. Dedicating my life to a subject, only to have someone be so much better than me, is very disappointing. Even worse, is having the same ability as someone and then watching them outgrow you, surpassing your ability. This is one of the harder things I have faced in my internal life. Spending almost ten years of my life training to be the best boxer I could be, gave me pride. Pride that gave me power. Pride that died, when I realized that my hands meant nothing if someone else has them in their grasp; something that is illegal in the sport of boxing, but not in the sport of fighting. The reason this ego death hurt so bad, is because I felt like I deserved to be the best fighter. Because I worked hard at being the best fighter. But, I only familiarize with a part of the story. So, would I rather think I am the best, but in reality I am no where close, or know I am not the best, and prepare for that?
Now, as I come to terms with the fact that I will not win every fight I fight, boxing or otherwise, I am more and more content with the idea that I only have to fight myself. And once that battle is won, no one can beat me.
Belief
In contrary, leaving behind ego, but maintaining belief, is a delicate balance. Having the discipline to reject the feeling of failure as a mean to surrender, but rather, using failure as a mean to growth, requires some level of stubbornness or ignorance. This is what I have faced more and more with CuppingEars. Where I feel as what I am doing is meaningless, but I do it anyways. I do it because I know persistence is key in success. Having a mindset that I know what I am doing is a positive addition to the world and myself, regardless how big or small, is necessary in continuation.
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